Chips Off the GOP BlocWe’re not saying that any of these folks are rapists or child molesters or future felons or even victims of far too much inbreeding. Not at all. We’re merely saying: here are the nation’s Top 10 Young Conservative Activists.
• Jason Mattera (#7) — spokesman for Young America’s Foundation. This buzz-cutted reactionary has no patience for war protesters. But when he was urged to enlist in a war he so heartily supports, the 22-year-old replied that he had more important things to do, like winning “the war of ideas” at home. Obviously, he’s bucking for a job as Vice President. Bonus: Mattera also put together a whites-only scholarship.
• Brad Shipp (#4) — the 33-year-old national field director for Students for Academic Freedom. (Aren’t you a little old to be calling yourself a student, Brad?) The SAF is run by conservative…wait for it…intellectual David Horowitz, a former Berkeley radical who must have dropped some really bad acid in 1985. That’s when he began ranting that the Left wanted nothing more than to wage an “unholy war to tear down democracy and replace it with their version — an Americanized version — of communism.” Oh David. You had us at “unholy.” We’ll love your Shipphead protégé if it means getting closer to you.
• Eric Hoplin (#1) and Paul Gourley (#3) — the deputy chairman of the Minnesota GOP and the chairman of the College Republican National Committee respectively. Let’s just put it this way: these two blossoming fascists run such dirty campaigns of personal advancement that even fellow Republicans think the only races they’re fit for are the “Minnesota used car dealers association presidency” and the race for “chairman of Cell Block D in federal prison.”
With the GOP starring cast disintegrating beneath the weight of epic corruption it’s good to know such a fine group of debate-club presidents is waiting in the right-wings like practiced stand-ins. Because the show must go on. (AM)