Peggy Noonan: Why Are All Politicians Such Jackasses?

Peggy Noonan, the brilliant speechwriter for President Reagan and author of What I Saw At the Revolution, wonders why politicians all seem like egomaniacs!


Tom Cruise Kills Oprah!

Tom Cruise uses his Scientology-enabled lightning power to kill Oprah Winfrey!


Saddam Liked Clinton, Reagan!

Saddam Hussein apparently had a fondness for both President Reagan and Clinton -- an odd pair to be sure!

From Mywaynews.com:

The jailed former Iraqi leader described how Reagan, who was president during the time of Iraq's 1980-88 war with Iran, sold him planes and helicopters. "Reagan and me, good,"' Saddam said, according to the article by Lisa DePaulo in the July issue that goes on sale June 28.

"He said, 'I wish things were like when Ronald Reagan was still president,"' said one of the soldiers who guarded him.

The article recounts the stories of five U.S. soldiers from the Pennsylvania National Guard who watched over the captive for nearly a year. All five have completed their tours of duty and returned home, the article said.

President Bush and his father, former President George H. W. Bush, are "no good," while former President Bill Clinton was "OK," Saddam told his captors. The former president led a U.N.-coalition that defeated Saddam in the 1991 Gulf War after the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait.

Tom Cruise Humiliated!

Wacky Scientologist Tom Cruise gets squirted on the red carpet in London!

Let's hope next time someone manages to sneak poor Katie Holmes away!


Zach Update

Hi again. What is happening to Zach — someone whom I've never met — is really upsetting to me. I was lucky: no one ever told me what I couldn't be. I think that his parents are terrified that THEY did something wrong, and they are punishing their son for being honest and open, and just being himself. Shame, shame, shame on them. They are weak and fearful, and clearly not practicing what they preach. Here is Zach's last post on his weblog:

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Thanks.. by the way.
Current mood: numb

Thanks. Thank you for all of the comments and messages, they mean a lot. really. I was shocked to see all of this... of course I haven't been on a computer, phone, nor have I seen any friends in a week almost-- Soon. Soon, this will be all over. My mother has said the worst things to me for three days straight... three days. I went numb. That's the only way I can get through this. I agree, if you're thinking that these posts might be dramatized.. but the proof of the programs ideas are sitting in the rules. I pray this blows over. I can't take this... noone can... not really, this kind of thing tears you apart emotionally. To introduce THIS subject... I'm not a suicidal person... really I'm not.. I think it's stupid - really. But.. I can't help it, no im not going to commit suicide, all I can think about is killing my mother and myself. It's so horrible. This is what it's doing to me... I have this horrible feeling all of the time... I wish this on no person... I'm so satisfied--happy's too strong of a word the state I'm in-- that everyone's taking the time to email and write letters in complaint to these people. I dont know if it will do anything, but if something did happen it would be -- awesome.

Verbal abuse by family members, physical restraint: these are the hallmarks of Communist "re-education camps" in the USSR, China, Cuba, Vietnam, and Cambodia. I am physically sick reading this.

Free Zach!

Poor Zach has been sent to a fascist "re-education" camp by his totally unfit parents because he's gay. The leader of this place tells the kids that they are better off committing suicide than "staying gay"!

Read about it here.

Read the full list of rules as posted by Zack on his weblog. If this isn't fascism, I don't what is. (See an excerpt below).

This is a list of things the kids can and cannot do while at this re-education center ... notice the heavy emphasis on shame.

These people make me sick. Parents like this should have their children taken away from them. I am so sick of this anti-gay bullshit. I thought Christians were supposed to "love thy neighbor"? I hope this poor kid gets out of there soon and is okay. Fascist bastards!

Excerpt from Zach's weblog: The Rules of the Re-Education Camp

Safekeeping Rules

1. All new Refuge clients will be placed into Safekeeping for the initial two to three days of their program. A client on safekeeping may not communicate verbally, or by using hand gestures or eye contact, with any other clients, staff members, or his/her parents or guardians. In case of a practical need, Safekeeping clients may write down their question or request and show it to another client, staff member, or their parent or guardian. Writing may only be used when absolutely necessary. Parents and guardians must enforce their child¹s safekeeping status at home or in their temporary lodging.


4. Safekeeping clients are permitted to say ³hello² and to communicate enough information to be courteous in public interaction (mostly in the clients¹ church setting).

5. Safekeeping clients are required to spend a minimum of two hours (in one sitting) a day alone in their room (note: by ³alone² it is understood that parents or guardians can be in the room but are not to interact or disrupt the alone time of the safekeeping client). During the alone time Safekeeping clients may work on their treatment plans, read program materials or the Bible, pray, or work on other assignments from their staffworkers.


6. No television viewing, going to movies, or reading/watching/listening to secular media of any kind, anywhere within the client¹s and the parent¹s/guardian¹s control. This includes listening to classical or instrumental music that is not expressly Christian (Beethoven, Bach, etc. are not considered Christian). The only exception to the media policy is the weekly movie.

7. Refuge clients may watch one video/DVD per week that has been approved by staff via C.O.C. Movies submitted for approval must be rated G or PG.  The parents/guardians are responsible for securing the video/DVD.

12. Refuge clients must be accompanied by a parent during any trip to a public restroom.

13. No access to malls of any kind.


14. Clients are not allowed to visit any video, music or media stores that are not expressly Christian, even if accompanied by a parent or guardian.  Clients may visit LifeWay Christian stores with a parent or guardian.

Oh, and good ol' Jimmy Swaggart (remember him? He slept with a prostitute at a run-down motel) has apparently threatened to kill any homosexual that looks at him and tell God 'that he died'.


Senators Who Refuse to Vote For an Anti-Lynching Resolution — For Shame!

Courtsey of AMERICAblog::
[the notes at the end are my own additions]

Lamar Alexander (R-TN)*
Robert Bennett (R-UT)
Thad Cochran (R-MS)
John Cornyn (R-TX)
Michael Crapo (R-ID)***
Michael Enzi (R-WY)
Chuck Grassley (R-IA)
Judd Gregg (R-NH)
Orrin Hatch (R-UT)
Trent Lott (R-MS)****
Lisa Murkowski (R-AK)*****
Richard Shelby (R-AL)******
John Sununu (R-NH)*******
Craig Thomas (R-WY)
George Voinovich (R-OH)

By the numbers:
• 15 Republicans:

• 5 Southern Senators
• 5 Western Senators
• 2 Midwest Senators
• 1 Pacific Senator
• 2 Eastern Senators (Both from NH --- no suprise there)
*Alexander ran for president like 6 times and never got any traction, despite wearing flashy plaid shirts.
***Can you believe there is actually a United States Senator named Crapo? It's like his name is an indicator of his worth!
****Lott was ousted as Senate Majority Leader after making inappropriate comments.
*****Murkowski was appointed by her father Frank Murkowski to fill the seat left vacant after he was elected Governor of Alaska. [How do spell nepotism? M-u-r-k-o-w-s-k-i. Or Clinton. Or Bush, or Dole, or Kennedy, or Sununu.]
******Shelby was a Democrat that flipped sides when the Republicans won control of the Senate in 1994.
*******Sununu is the son of former NH Governor John Sununu, Sr., who was ousted as George H.W. Bush's chief of staff after making inappropriate use of government transportation.


Michael Jackson Will Burn in Hell!

Meanwhile, here are some animated parodies that you may enjoy:

#1. "I Never Copped a Feel" [Atom Films]

#2. "Michael Jackson's Favorite Things" [Grab.com]

#3. A History of MJ's Face

Remember, MJ: They may have found you not guilty, but you still have Hell to look forward to. Enjoy your freedom while it lasts, you maggoty piece of ******!!!

What I've Learned from Celebrity Trials

There have been 4 major celebrity trials in the past 10 years: O.J. Simpson, Martha Stewart, Robert Blake, and Michael Jackson. Here is what I've learned:

If you are a (male) celebrity you can: (1) slaughter two people, virtually decapitating one, have blood in your SUV and on your socks; (2) shoot your con-artist wife yourself after trying to hire others to do it; and (3) repeatedly molest young boys — and get away with it all.

If you are a (female) celebrity, especially one that people think is a bitch, you CANNOT (1) make misleading statements about a financial transaction — WITHOUT going to jail for 8 months.

Makes sense to me.

(I no longer dislike Martha Steward, by the way.)

Not Guilty ? ! ?

Damn it.


Dear God, please let the MJ verdict be guilty. Please. Please, please, please. Please? Please! Please, please let it be guilty. Okay? Please. Please, please, please, please, please. Guilty. Sound good? G-u-i-l-t-y. Not innocent. Guilty. I trust in you O Lord, and your sweet son Jesus Christ that MJ will be found guilty. Praise God!

Burn in Hell, Michael!

I Want My Money Back

A 9/11 Widow has spent almost $5 million on nothing, including $500,000 on shoes!


PLEASE Watch "Arrested Development" This Fall!!

I am a huge fan of Fox's comedy, Arrested Development. It is without a doubt the best show on televsion. It will run on Mondays at 8pm this fall. Please watch! We need to support great comedy that isn't dumbed-down to please people in Iowa!!


Arrested Development

The most critically acclaimed comedy on television, ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT revolves around MICHAEL BLUTH (Jason Bateman), the good son who must run the family business after his father, GEORGE BLUTH SR. (Jeffrey Tambor), escapes from prison and goes on the lam. While George Sr. spent the last year hiding out in the Bluth attic, Michael continued to pick up the pieces and keep his offbeat family from falling apart. But all Michael really wants is to do right by his 14-year-old son, GEORGE MICHAEL (Michael Cera), an earnest kid who works diligently at the family’s frozen banana stand.

The Bluths are led by manipulative matriarch LUCILLE BLUTH (Jessica Walter), a socialite as icy as her martinis who’s been having an affair with her husband’s slacker twin brother, OSCAR (Tambor). Then there’s the oldest son, GOB (Will Arnett), a struggling magician (sorry, “illusionist”) who occasionally tries to take over the family company, only to be bailed out by Michael... again. The youngest brother is BUSTER (Tony Hale), a glorified mama’s boy (he spent 11 months in the womb) whose hand was recently bitten off by a seal. The Bluth siblings are rounded out by cause-obsessed sister LINDSAY (Portia de Rossi), whose marriage to the hapless TOBIAS (David Cross), a doctor-turned-actor and self-proclaimed “never-nude,” is on the rocks. Lindsay and Tobias are the ultra-permissive parents of MAEBY (Alia Shawkat), a 14-year-old who loves finding unique ways to rebel against them.

The critically heralded series has featured guest appearances by numerous stars, including Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Liza Minnelli, Heather Graham and Ben Stiller. Last year, the show received five Emmy Awards for Outstanding Comedy Series, Writing, Directing, Casting and Editing. Additionally, Jason Bateman won a Golden Globe Award for Outstanding Actor in a Leading Role – Musical or Comedy Series, and the show was nominated for a Golden Globe for Outstanding Musical or Comedy Series. This past season, the cast was nominated for a SAG Award for Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series. The show also was named an AFI Program of the Year and received the Critics’ Choice Award for Best Comedy, among other accolades.

Jason Bateman as Michael Bluth
Portia de Rossi as Lindsay Fünke
Jeffrey Tambor as George Bluth Sr.,
Oscar Bluth
Michael Cera as George Michael Bluth
Will Arnett as Gob Bluth
Tony Hale as Buster Bluth
Alia Shawkat as Maeby Fünke
Jessica Walter as Lucille Bluth
David Cross as Tobias Fünke

Trademark and Copyright Notice: TM and © FOX and its related entities.
All rights reserved.


When the Revolution comes....

....These people will be first up against the wall:

• People who use that Nextel "walkie-talkie" feature on their f***ing cellphones.

• Michael Jackson

• F***king stupid people that think that MJ is innocent — how can someone be so f**king stupid?!? They should be prevented from reproducing!!!

• Ty Pennington, host of "Extreme Make-Over: Home Edition" — that guy needs a serious beating first, though.

• George Lucas (#1) for 2 disappointing prequels.

• George Lucas (#2) for making Greedo fire first in the Cantina in ANH (Han fired first!!); adding that horrible girlie scream when Luke falls off the platform in ESB; and changing Darth Vader's subsequent line from an angry "Bring my shuttle!" to a bloodless, stupid line.

• George Lucas (#3) -- Midichlorians?!?! What the f**k were you thinking?!?? Thanks for wrecking my childhood, jerk.

• Tom Cruise — if only to save poor Katie Holmes!

• The person who will eventually cancel the best comedy on television, Arrested Development.

• Bill Gates, for (a) intellectual theft and (b) foisting an inferior, crash-prone, error-ridden, spy-ware vulnerable OS on the world (except those of us who use Macs, and are thus "saved").

• The whole Hilton clan, for obvious reasons (see previous posts).

• Tom Delay and the radical Republicans.

• Weak-willed Democrats who traded their spines and ethics to become transnational corporation whores.

• The guy that wrote "I Believe I Can fly" and the other guy that wrote "Butterfly Kisses at Night."

• Whoever started Starbucks.

• Scientologists.

• People who write to the FCC to complain about nonsense.


Fingerprint machines, and now A & F??

An item from Radar Online, about the Dress Code at Bob Jones University (a whacky "Christian Right" school down south somewhere.... man, sometimes I think we should have let the south go!)

Abercrombie & Fitch and its subsidiary Hollister have shown an unusual degree of antagonism to the name of Christ and an unusual display of wickedness in their promotions. In protest, we will not allow articles displaying their logos to be worn, carried, or displayed (even if covered or masked in some way).

Oh well..... at least you can buy "good Christian clothes" HERE ... Praise Jesus... ah, Joshua!

Apocalypse Now (?)

Apparently, some "fundementalist Christians" believe that fingerprint scanners herald the apocalypse .... I wonder how they get through the day?


Bizarre Anti-Gay Telephone Company

Since the advent of gay marriage in Massachusetts, I've heard countless moronic TV and radio commercials attacking the "gay agenda." My favorite was the radio spot that featured a young boy asking his "father" about the facts of life, and said father replies, "ask your other father!" Sickening, but illuminating about the lengths the bigots will go to.

Tonight, I found the most bizarre anti-gay stragety yet. United American Technologies, a telephone company, has apparently been calling people with claims that (a) AT & T, MCI, and Verizon support gay marriage, the gay agenda, and child pornography and that (b) UAT can offer a low-cost "Christian" alternative for a person's telephone needs!

You can read about this, and hear actually phone conversations, at Eugenemirman.com!

Fucking unbelievable. These wackos will stop at nothing until every homosexual is rounded up and put in detention camps. They scare the hell out of me. Really.


French military victories?

type in "French Military Victories" into Google, and you are lead here ... Very funny, and worth the read!

Kathy Hilton is Worse

Just when I was reaching the point that no one could offend me more than Paris Hilton (in the high-society realm, anyway), I came across this item on Radaronline.com about just how thrilled Paris' mother Kathy is about her daughter's impending marriage to Paris Latsis:

Kathy Hilton’s Grecian Formula

One reason Kathy Hilton is just thrilled about her daughter Paris’s engagement to Greek billionaire shipping heir Paris Latsis is that she’s hoping the union will solve her husband’s financial woes, sources say. While the tabs typically gush about the elder Hiltons’ “$1 billion fortune,” Kathy and her husband Rick have long scraped by on freebies and a modest trust fund. “The truth is, there are so many Hiltons out there that each one is due only a few million,” a source close to the family says. “Paris is the only one who is actually making her own money”—an estimated $10 million last year, from commercials, her perfume, appearance fees, and share of the earnings from One Night In Paris. While that’s certainly not chump change, in the circle of the absurdly rich it barely registers. “Kathy and Rick are hoping that with Latsis’s money behind them they’ll finally be able to claim their rightful place among the jet set,” says the source. “A few years ago [filmmaker] Jamie Johnson didn’t even consider the daughters rich enough to use in his documentary Born Rich.” Our cynical source says that Paris, who received a black ferrari as an engagement present, also has a game plan of her own: “She’ll definitely get pregnant very quickly. It’ll guarantee her an income for life.” Hilton’s rep, Rob Shuter, laughed off questions about the Hilton family’s motives via e-mail: “LOL. Paris and Paris met, fell in love, and want to get married. That simple.”

What kind of half-witted, narcissistic, brain-dead moron would actually say this? There are people starving in this country. There are people withour jobs, or healthcare, or housing. And Kathy Hilton is sad because she only has "a few million." She makes Paris look like Mother Theresa. I have never been so disgusted. When they do finally take their "rightful place among the jet set" I HOPE THE GOD-DAMNED JET CRASHES!

Oh! And Kathy is going to have her own "reality" show! She's going to teach some members of the "lower" class how to be Hiltons! Thanks, Kathy, but I can figure out how to suck off a trust-fund asshole myself — it's simple: up, down, lick, repeat.

This will be my last post about the Hiltons, because I am choking on my own bile. People like them should be rounded up and sent to a labor camp for the rest of their natural lives.

PS— I've already thought of a great headline for when Paris and Paris get married: "PARIS-ITE MARRIES LEECH."


For fans of "LOST"

...check out: Oceanic-Air.com!

It has some fun hidden information, and BE SURE to check out "Track Flight" for a HUGE SURPRISE!



Paris Hilton Has a Blog!

My favorite waste of space/offensive whore apparently has a weblog. Good for her.

And here it is!


Memo to the Christian Right -- 2nd Notice

To: Militant Loonies on the Christian Right
FR: ACE Bible Printing Company
RE: Factual errors in our product


It has recently come to our attention that a shipment of Christian Bibles sent to your organization contained several errors. We most heartily apologize for this. Please allow me to address these errors and offer corrections:

1. Jesus' real name was Joshua ben Joseph ("Joshua, son of Joseph")

2. Joshua ben Joseph was a Jew.

3. A fairly liberal Jew.

4. Joshua ben Joseph may have been black, or at the least dark-skinned.

5. He studied magic in Egypt for several years [cf. "Holy Blood, Holy Grail"; "The Templar Revelations"]

6. Joshua ben Joseph did NOT take ANY position on the following:

*Gun control
*"Activist Judges"
*Homosexuality/Gay marriage
*Pre-marital sex
*Tax cuts (in fact he said, "Render unto Ceasar what is Ceasar's!" i.e. Pay taxes!)
*Janet Jackson's nipple on national television

7. He was most likely married, and most likely fathered children.

8. He actually said: "Love thy neighbor." Your version has Joshua ben Joseph incorrectly saying: "Love thy neighbor-- unless he is gay, liberal, super-smart, literate, interesting, a Northerner, Jewish, or Catholic."

9. Joshua ben Joseph preached love and acceptence, not hatred and bigotry against those who are "different."

10. The Jews DID NOT kill Joshua --- the Romans did.

We sincerely hope that this letter has rectified in your mind these mistakes. We will be sending you corrected versions of the Bible as soon as we can. In the meantime, please insert this letter into your copy, to remind you of these errors.

Yours in Christ,
ACE Bible Printing Company

Palm Beach Police Tase a Female Driver!

You can see the video here!